So Apparently My Restaurant is a Movie Starring You…

As stupid as that sounds, that is the attitude that many RCs seem to have! Now I know that you all are paying good, hard earned money for your meal at my restaurant. Heaven knows that these days you really want to get your full dollars worth every time you spend one. And as an RC, you probably feel that, it doesn’t matter how crowded a restaurant is! Packed to capacity is not your fault. Understaffed is certainly not your fault. The fact that your server seems to have seven tables in his/her section, and possibly a couple more clear across the restaurant is definitely not your fault! Guess what? I agree with you. Wholeheartedly. Trust me on this: I want you to be happy, because happy customers are much more likely to tip well! So it is never, ever my intention to neglect you! We are on the same page about the quality of service that you should expect to receive.

Here’s where I start to have a different opinion than some of you. Here is a list of behaviours that servers do not tolerate well when it comes to RCs asserting themselves for better/speedier/more solicitous (read butt-kissing) service.

1. If I am with another table in my section, do not start calling my name (this is a good example of what will make me rue the day I ever told you my name), yelling “Miss! Miss!!” or whistling or loudly clearing your throat. Don’t even wave your hands dramatically like some hyperactive kid who knows all the answers in school! Don’t tug at my apron or tap me if I’m relatively near you. And please, do not send your little Abraham or John or Elizabeth over to get my attention with their tiny hands and squeaky voices. I don’t think its cute. In the slightest. I am with other people. Period! And no matter how obnoxious you are (or force your children to be), I am NOT going to come over to see what you want until I have finished my current exchange with the other people. You wouldn’t want me to just walk away in the middle of taking your order to see what another table wanted, you would want me to finish taking your order. So extend the same courtesy to the other people who are every bit as important as you are.

2. If I am not within normal conversational distance from you, do not holler for me, (or any other restaurant employee) at the top of your lungs! You’re not an elementary school child, neither am I, and this is not a playground. It makes you look like a complete idiot to me, and EVERYONE ELSE around you! Trust me on that. No one is saying to the person next to them: “Did you see how that guy stood up and screamed that he needed some service? He’s so awesome!” If I’m your server, I will be over very soon to see how everything is going for you. If I don’t appear rapidly enough for you, you can ask one of my fellow employees who are within normal conversational distance from you for assistance. And please, hear me on this, if you do not immediately see a server in your vicinity, it is not ok to holler over to the bartender (who is at the bar tending it, not out on the floor serving, hence the titles bartender, vs server). What I’m trying to express to you is this. It is never ok to holler in a restaurant. It’s actually a good way to get thoroughly ignored by every employee in the restaurant. And believe it or not, rather than respond to your ridiculous display with a lot of butt-kissing and severe reprimanding of me, there is actually a good chance that my manager will ask you to leave, and s/he doesn’t care if you email corporate at that point, because you are a jerk, and no one wants you in the restaurant anymore. You are disturbing a lot of other RCs, so we have to get rid of the one to ensure the positive experience of the many.

3. Asking twelve different employees for ketchup is rude, and irritates the entire restaurant staff. Trust me, you do not want an entire restaurant to close ranks on you. But this is precisely what will happen if you ask your server for ketchup, and then, because it didn’t appear in your absolute 35 second limit, you ask two other servers who happen by. You then send your husband up to the bar to ask for some ketchup while you send little Abraham or Elizabeth to the host stand to ask for the same ketchup. Finally you spot a manager, and ask him/her for ketchup. All of this in the same two and a half minute period of time! And guess what happens at the end of that two and a half minutes? Your server appears with the ketchup, along with drinks for the table behind you, and salads for the table in front of you, because you aren’t her only table. Meanwhile, in the back, the servers, bartender, host and manager that you harassed are all discussing what a complete loser you and your family are, and they are feeling sorry for your server, and glad they don’t have the misfortune to be waiting on you. And at least one of the people in that chain you went through (to end up getting ketchup from your original server anyways) will remember you next time you come in, and alert every staff member in the restaurant of the Difficult Table That Just Sat at Table Five (which will be you).

Here is the moral of the story. Newsflash, and you might need to sit down for this one! You are not the only table in the restaurant. You may see it that way, but trust me, we the employees don’t. We are in business to serve a building full of people at the same time! If we served just one table at a time, well we wouldn’t make any money! Unless of course you and your family plan to buy $1500 worth of food and beverages while you’re with us, and you plan on spreading $300 to $500 in tip money around to all of the servers. But you don’t intend to do that, do you? I didn’t think so.

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