As a server, you get pretty good at sizing people up. At times I fancy myself as a sort of Tableside Psychologist if you will.
Am I handing out mental health advice to my customers? Occasionally- but only if they solicit it. You’d be surprised how often they do. We aren’t asked for pyschological help as often as bartenders- they could hold regular office hours! But you’d be surprised at how often people ask the waitress to step in and settle some relationship dispute, which really puts me in an uncomfortable position. I’ve got to assess who the true tip source at the table is. 90 percent of the time the man still pays (even in our ever forward and feminist friendly society) but at least 60% of the time he’s probably getting input from his female companion as to what kind of tip to leave. You see my dilemma.
Anyhoo, here are some fun facts I’ve learned about men while they are in the company of women at a restaurant. Big tip generally means that he is on a date, very early on in the relationship. Why is that? Big Tipping Men do so for three reasons. (A) They are hitting on me, however this generally only happens with a solo man or a group of men with no women present. (B) He is trying to impress the lady he is with. Men generally stop trying to impress their wives and women they have been comfortably dating for a period of time. (C) They are actually impressed with my service, although, as noted above, at least 60% of the time if its my service that gets me a great tip from a guy it was the lady who pointed out my excellent service to him and instructed me to tip well.
When men are incredibly nice to me, see points A & B above. The (C) I would add to this behavior is men who are cheating on their wife. They tend to be nice to me as well, because they assume I can tell, and they feel guilty/don’t want me to think poorly of them/don’t want me to signal their dates in some secret woman language if she isn’t aware of his marital situation. How can I tell which guys are cheating? Not answering phone calls and telling their date it can’t be as important as them, and the tell tale phone call to the wife while the date is in the bathroom. If I catch him in this act while delivering salads or drink refills, I’m pretty much guaranteed a great tip.
Men who are extremely affectionate with the lady are definitely on a preliminary date. Same thing with men who seem fascinated by every word out of the lady’s mouth. People who are married or in a steady relationship barely speak at restaurants. These days they are both on the phone for the majority of the time they are there, at least until the food comes.
If a man tells an incredibly corny joke, he’s with his wife, steady girlfriend, or mother. Men won’t risk corny jokes in front of a new date. Hitting on me in front of a woman is mother, sister, or wife (and he’s an idiot).
We’re just scratching the surface here, but you get the idea. Servers can tell a lot by your behavior at a restaurant. Just something to think about!
So true. You summed it up nicely.
Lol! Thanks Waiter Extraordinaire!!
Hey! Me and Pooldad still hold hands while dining out and tip extremely well [yeah, but that is the former server thing] so we go against your demographic.
Oh and we are always talking – but that is us anyway – heehee
Except for the corny jokes. [You nailed that] I can't stop him. God knows I have tried
There's a place near my house run by a former psychiatrist who — for $10 — will give you a "tableside session". I am not making this up. I have been tempted to do this many many times, but I usually go in the back and grumble it while I'm getting drinks. It has never occured to me to sit down at the table, and then charge for it! But you are absolutely right, we SO could! Would you ring it under "Misc Food," or "corkage fee"?
I don't tip for take out that I pick up. I tip for dleeviry though. In my head, tips are for service (for the servers) and they have avoided having to serve me by my picking up my order.
Lol Skippy Mom!! My husband and I are affectionate in public and talk a lot too! We've been married two years in February and together 4 in August, so here's hoping we stay that way! Unfortunately its not the norm these days…. That's so awesome that you guys have managed to keep the "dating spark"!
vandervecken, that is hilarious! A $10 table session! Lol! I would definitely ring it up under miscellaneous food, and I would wait to see how much I charged, you no, depending on how messed up the person was! Lol! Some people might need a weekly standing appointment…
Funny! You teach the customers how to deal with the restaurant peeps and we teach the restaurant peeps how to filter the customers!! This is a good match! Haha. I liked your take on the body language of the married/new couple! Good take. Keep on Keeping on!!!!
Thanks! Sounds like we’re a great combo!